Yesterday Baby and I went to a monthly gathering of our fellow birth nerds to watch the second DVD of More Business of Being Born. If you don't know about The Business of Being Born you should check it out. It's a pretty sweet movie.
Anyway, I realized that I have totally become a birth nerd.
When Boo and I started this whole pregnancy/birth/parenting roller coaster I was a typical girl. I knew enough about pregnancy and birth to roughly fill a thimble, I thought that meant I knew everything, and I was not really interested in anything else. I got myself a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting". I read it chapter by chapter relishing the tidbits about my baby's size and development each week, and was perfectly okay with the fact that the book doesn't really offer any useful information about birth, although I didn't know it was devoid of useful information at the time.
As I was reading ahead, and got to the chapter on birthing classes I realized that we were going to have to birth the baby. It wasn't like I didn't know before, it was more like I hadn't realized just exactly what that meant. So, in a near panic I started searching and searching for a birth class. Enter J. She is not only a Doula, but an independent birth instructor certified in several curriculum focusing on natural (meaning unmedicated) birth. As Boo and I debated the costs and time commitments of her class (at a few hundred dollars and 12 weeks) vs the hospital class (at $60 and 4 hours on one Saturday) Boo in his infinite wisdom suggested we take the longer more expensive route, because "you can never have too much information".
Setting up the class was another trip. J teaches on a rolling schedule, and her current class was already in session. She informed me that we could join the next session, starting in late October. The only problem there: Baby would be born before the class was over...(This is the first clue that the book is complete birth trash. Shouldn't the birth class chapter be early enough in the pregnancy to actually take a birth class??? I digress...) But! Because J LOVES what she does, and truly believes in parents having an informed birth, she worked us in to an ongoing private class. So after a quick crash course to cover the weeks we had missed we jumped right in.
I must say, before the class I thought my little thimble of birth knowledge was quite vast and comprehensive. I was wrong. So so wrong. By week 3 (of the class) I realized how far in over my head I truly was. By week 5 I was desperate to get my hands on every book on J's recommended reading list. By week 7 I was committed to a natural unmedicated (yeah that means no drugs) childbirth, and Boo was on his way to convincing me we needed a Doula. (If you don't know what a Doula is, Google it. Then multiply what they do for a pregnant/laboring mother by about 5,000,000 and you might have an idea...) So, we hired J to stick with us after class, and be the Doula in attendance at our birth.
While my birth story absolutely plays a leading role in my own birth as a birth nerd, that is a story for a different day.
Here we are then, on the back side of birth, with the most delicious Baby ever, and instead of relishing the fact that it was over as so many people do I was mesmerized by what I had done, producing this little human, and not only did I want to do it again, but I wanted to learn so much more about it! I wanted to know how other people had done it. I wanted to know how I could do it better the next time. And I really really wanted to do it again.
When J first assembled the group to watch The Business of Being Born I couldn't wait. A bunch of birth nerds sitting around watching birth videos?!? Yes please! Now it is top among some of the mom/baby activities that I participate in. I love everything about it.
As I was sitting in the living room yesterday, in a house I had never been to, surrounded by women that I don't actually 'know', I realized that what we all have in common is birth. Everyone has a different story, or stories, but it doesn't matter. We were all brought there by birth. We came to watch a tribute to the many different birth stories that exist, but also to share our own. To laugh about how we all thought we knew what was going on before, and how clueless we now realize we were. To share our concerns about upcoming births, and our experiences past and present.
I'm not really sure why I needed to write this post. Who really cares if I am a total nerd about all things birth now? Maybe it was just a way to say thank you to J. Thanks J, for introducing me to the beauty of birth, and for including me in your birth nerd circle. I really feel like this is where I belong.
:)
Monday, April 8, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
I'm a Modern Feminist - So I've Discovered
We have all learned about the feminist movement at some point in our schooling. We gape at the idea that women had to fight for rights that we sometimes take for granted, and we admire the women who sacrificed their lives to further the rights of women around the world. Susan B. Anthony was commemorated on the U.S. dollar coin: the only woman featured on the currency until Sacagawea made her debut in 2000. The 19th Amendment was added to the Constitution. That was just the beginning.
Later "The Feminine Mystique" blamed society for trapping women in their homes, when we have so much more to offer. And so we continued to fight, and burned our bras in the process, until we had conquered the glass ceiling and achieved the ultimate prize: equality with men.
But as I take a look around, to see what the feminist movement has given me, and I find myself somewhat dissatisfied with the outcomes. Don't get me wrong, I believe the roots of feminism were pure, and I believe that women should have equal rights on all fronts. I do not believe that women should be discriminated against because they are women, and I certainly don't think a man has more to offer simply because he has a set of marbles in his pants (despite losing those in his head).
But at the same time, the feminist movement became so focused on being equal with men that it completely overshadowed the women it was trying to defend. Women lost the essence of being a woman, and became 'the same as a man'. Now, the world (or at least American society) looks to women as the same as a man, and therefore discounts all of the things that women can do that a man cannot.
Sure, a woman can stay at home; cook, clean, and keep the house tidy. So can a man. Sure a man can go to work, and make a living to support a family. So can a woman. Women have pushed and shoved and elbowed their way into the former "Men Only" worlds of business, sports, politics, science, medicine, law...The list seems endless. But honestly I don't see where we have become truly equal.
In math, equality is as a mirror. 2=2 just the same as 2=2. You cannot tell here which is the male 2 and which the female. But society is not the same as math. For society equality between the sexes is more like 2=1+1. Sure the sum is the same, and we can say in the end both are 2, but men certainly do not value the female arts the way they value their own.
Women have joined the business world in droves, but male nurses (a traditionally female career) account for less than 6%. Teaching (another traditionally female position) is also dominated by women, outnumbering male teachers 3 to 1 in schools. Don't even get me started on traditionally feminine skills like sewing, knitting, cooking and baking. Although we do see men making forays into the culinary worlds, so I'll give them that. But where is the stay-at-home dad's TV spot across from Martha Stewart? Where is the man washing dishes in the Dawn dish soap commercial? No, for society there are some jobs that are still only for women.
This disparity used to infuriate me. I wanted to graduate from college, start my career, blow that glass ceiling into oblivion and show the world that just because I was a female didn't mean I wasn't just as good as the men around me. And then I realized: those men ain't got shit on me. Not a one of them could birth a baby. Snap. Game over.
I quit that job and assumed the traditional role of the domestic housewife. A role that I thought I was better than. But as it turns out, I'm just good enough to call myself a wife and mother. I realized that there is plenty to take pride in within the domestic role. And plenty of skills that are overlooked in the pursuit of being 'the same as a man'.
And so I arrived at modern feminism. I don't think modern feminism as I see it is a defined movement. I don't think it has a Twitter following, and I'm not supporting it just because it's popular. I am a Modern Feminist.
I will sacrifice my life; my time, and my energy to promote the beauty of being a WOMAN, rather than simply trying to be like a man. I will embrace the powers that I possess by virtue of my gender. I will wear dresses! (j/k I know men can do this too). But seriously, I'm going to wear dresses. I will embrace natural, non-medicated childbirth because pregnancy and birth are not a disease to be feared, but an innate super power to be revered. I will birth many children, and I will be proud to say I 'just stay at home'. I will breastfeed my babies, in public when they are hungry, because God has given me all of the tools I need to meet their needs, and last I checked I had two boobs and no bottles.
I will embrace the tasks that have been traditionally 'women's work'. I will sew and knit (well I am currently learning) so that my children will know that the things I have made them have love in every stitch. I will grow a garden. I will can/jar my own jams and sauces; not because it is frugal (although it is) but because women not only have the power to give life but to cultivate it, with nothing but their hands and hearts. I will cook and bake, from scratch, not from a box. I will keep my house well. I will support and respect my husband.
I will not do these things out of obligation, I will do them out of choice. The current (and past) feminist movements have given me the choice to enter a "man's" world, but they have forgotten the alternative is still a choice. Choosing a traditional women's role does not make me less than. On the contrary. I am empowered to be a woman.
I will step back from the constant battle of being like a man, just to enjoy being a woman. And in the end, I will raise up my portion of the next generation to know that a can and should be respected as a woman. That a woman can do ANYTHING that a man can do, and quite a few things that he can't even imagine.
True feminism is in recognizing the beauty of being a woman, not in becoming the same as a man.
:)
Later "The Feminine Mystique" blamed society for trapping women in their homes, when we have so much more to offer. And so we continued to fight, and burned our bras in the process, until we had conquered the glass ceiling and achieved the ultimate prize: equality with men.
But as I take a look around, to see what the feminist movement has given me, and I find myself somewhat dissatisfied with the outcomes. Don't get me wrong, I believe the roots of feminism were pure, and I believe that women should have equal rights on all fronts. I do not believe that women should be discriminated against because they are women, and I certainly don't think a man has more to offer simply because he has a set of marbles in his pants (despite losing those in his head).
But at the same time, the feminist movement became so focused on being equal with men that it completely overshadowed the women it was trying to defend. Women lost the essence of being a woman, and became 'the same as a man'. Now, the world (or at least American society) looks to women as the same as a man, and therefore discounts all of the things that women can do that a man cannot.
Sure, a woman can stay at home; cook, clean, and keep the house tidy. So can a man. Sure a man can go to work, and make a living to support a family. So can a woman. Women have pushed and shoved and elbowed their way into the former "Men Only" worlds of business, sports, politics, science, medicine, law...The list seems endless. But honestly I don't see where we have become truly equal.
In math, equality is as a mirror. 2=2 just the same as 2=2. You cannot tell here which is the male 2 and which the female. But society is not the same as math. For society equality between the sexes is more like 2=1+1. Sure the sum is the same, and we can say in the end both are 2, but men certainly do not value the female arts the way they value their own.
Women have joined the business world in droves, but male nurses (a traditionally female career) account for less than 6%. Teaching (another traditionally female position) is also dominated by women, outnumbering male teachers 3 to 1 in schools. Don't even get me started on traditionally feminine skills like sewing, knitting, cooking and baking. Although we do see men making forays into the culinary worlds, so I'll give them that. But where is the stay-at-home dad's TV spot across from Martha Stewart? Where is the man washing dishes in the Dawn dish soap commercial? No, for society there are some jobs that are still only for women.
This disparity used to infuriate me. I wanted to graduate from college, start my career, blow that glass ceiling into oblivion and show the world that just because I was a female didn't mean I wasn't just as good as the men around me. And then I realized: those men ain't got shit on me. Not a one of them could birth a baby. Snap. Game over.
I quit that job and assumed the traditional role of the domestic housewife. A role that I thought I was better than. But as it turns out, I'm just good enough to call myself a wife and mother. I realized that there is plenty to take pride in within the domestic role. And plenty of skills that are overlooked in the pursuit of being 'the same as a man'.
And so I arrived at modern feminism. I don't think modern feminism as I see it is a defined movement. I don't think it has a Twitter following, and I'm not supporting it just because it's popular. I am a Modern Feminist.
I will sacrifice my life; my time, and my energy to promote the beauty of being a WOMAN, rather than simply trying to be like a man. I will embrace the powers that I possess by virtue of my gender. I will wear dresses! (j/k I know men can do this too). But seriously, I'm going to wear dresses. I will embrace natural, non-medicated childbirth because pregnancy and birth are not a disease to be feared, but an innate super power to be revered. I will birth many children, and I will be proud to say I 'just stay at home'. I will breastfeed my babies, in public when they are hungry, because God has given me all of the tools I need to meet their needs, and last I checked I had two boobs and no bottles.
I will embrace the tasks that have been traditionally 'women's work'. I will sew and knit (well I am currently learning) so that my children will know that the things I have made them have love in every stitch. I will grow a garden. I will can/jar my own jams and sauces; not because it is frugal (although it is) but because women not only have the power to give life but to cultivate it, with nothing but their hands and hearts. I will cook and bake, from scratch, not from a box. I will keep my house well. I will support and respect my husband.
I will not do these things out of obligation, I will do them out of choice. The current (and past) feminist movements have given me the choice to enter a "man's" world, but they have forgotten the alternative is still a choice. Choosing a traditional women's role does not make me less than. On the contrary. I am empowered to be a woman.
I will step back from the constant battle of being like a man, just to enjoy being a woman. And in the end, I will raise up my portion of the next generation to know that a can and should be respected as a woman. That a woman can do ANYTHING that a man can do, and quite a few things that he can't even imagine.
True feminism is in recognizing the beauty of being a woman, not in becoming the same as a man.
:)
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