Monday, January 9, 2012

What's My Destiny?

It is funny how something that is seemingly set in stone can change in an instant. I have always thought that my destiny was set. I'm a firm believer that God has already numbered my days, and that He knows them all. I've been a firm believer in that since a young age. I think it was spurred on by the copy of "Footprints" that hangs in my parents house. Each morning as I got ready for school I would brush my teeth and see the copy in the mirror. I bet I have read that thing 10,000 times. Anyway, if you had asked me 5, 10, or 15 years ago what I thought my destiny was you would have gotten three very different answers. And if you ask today what I know my destiny is you might wonder if the same person had answered all four times. But what I have come to realize it isn't that my destiny has changed, it is that I am in tune with the Master's plan now.

Finally God and I are on the same page, at least about this.

My destiny is not glamorous in the traditional sense. But to me today it seems the most amazing prospect on Earth. Four months ago I had an epiphany (in the literal sense). I was exceedingly unhappy at work, and my husband had been pushing and pushing for me to just find a new job. But I just couldn't do it. Over the course of a few weeks, God started to show me why I was so unhappy. In a nutshell: I was forcing myself into a destiny that I created, instead of the one He had prepared for me.

Let me tell you, that's not an easy epiphany to accept. My whole life I had envisioned myself doing exactly what I was doing four months ago. Working, having a career, balancing my corporate awesomeness with my family. Being just like my mom. So you can imagine that it hit me like a ton of bricks to find out that wasn't my destiny at all. No, my destiny is much greater. My destiny is to devote my life to my family. To become a stay-at-home mom, to have twice as many kids as I originally had planned. To do it with no corporate distractions, and with all my heart, soul, and mind.

Surprisingly for a girl who had fully intended to make good on her dreams of corporate grandeur I took the news quite well. I think. After several weeks of resisting, and asking myself and God how my destiny could have changed so drastically so quickly I began to think about what it might be like. And one morning I woke up and knew that God was right. And for the first time in as long as I can remember I felt at peace, and happy. Not a momentary kind of happiness, but a real, all-encompassing happiness. So, I quit my job and started acclimating myself to the stay-at-home life.

So that's what this blog is really about. It's about me, learning what it is to live out a real destiny, one day at a time. I don't really know what I'm doing, or how to do it. I'm just figuring it out as I go. And I hope one day, this blog will be a tool for me to look back and see where I started, and how far I've come.


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